It is 10:37pm as I begin to write this and my heart is full of feelings begging to be put into words. The first thought that pops into my head is “Where do I even begin?” Today, I want to share with you my journey battling with self esteem and my identity. It has been a long and painful road, and I am still dragging my feet through the dirt of this path but I am taking each step with confidence in He who goes before me. The definition of self esteem is this “confidence in one’s own worth or abilities: self respect.” And when I stand before the mirror the truth comes pouring down in a flood of tears as I reflect at my recent understanding and recognition of the depths of my brokenness in regards to my self esteem and identity. Now, I am going to dive into the pools of my past, those waters are dark and difficult for me to tread. But it is key when discovering the root of this issue. At the young age of ten I began to experience the darkness of bullying. And that is the first time my heart broke. Their words flew towards my heart like fiery arrows and shattered pieces of my identity and esteem. These were the words I heard for years over and over again…”you’ll never be loved” “you’re worthless” “you’re ugly and disgusting” “kill yourself”. As one can imagine hearing things such as that on a daily basis for a continuous period of time is well…completely crushing. As time went on I grew more broken In every way. I began repeating their words to myself - becoming my own bully. I would meditate on their lies day and night. And even to this very day I still find myself punishing myself with those same words whenever I make a mistake or fall short of my own expectations. That dark period of time still creeps its way into my daily life. I accepted their lies as my truth and I am just now coming to recognize my tight grip on these lies and how I have allowed them to flood my reality. The bullying impacted me to my core. That experience truly broke my heart and I am just now truly beginning my race towards healing. Years and years and gone by but the impact has remained. In what ways did this impact me, you may ask? Well it has impacted my health, my self esteem, my identity, my expectations of myself, my friendships, my day to day responsibilities, and so much more. The enemy took a piece of my shattered heart during that time and has held onto it and continued to feed it lies. But If I am being even more honest, I have not tried to stop him. I very quickly accepted those words as truth and never doubted or challenged them. But as Christians, we’re called to walk in step with the word of God both in heart and mind. We’re also called to take every thought captive. I did neither. During my time in Ecuador, the Lord orchestrated a divine appointment. I was able to share in the most deeply powerful conversation with my precious Aunt and another incredible woman who helped me dive into these pools of pain and recognize its impact upon my life! They helped me see the grip I had upon these lies and how I had accepted them as my truth…the bullies told me I was unloved, ugly, worthless, and so on. But they helped remind me of what God says!! They reminded me of the voice in which I should be tuning into. This is what the Bible says: God tells me I am loved (Romans 5:8). He tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). He tells me I am his handiwork given an intended purpose (Ephesians 2:10). He also gives me a new identity that is found in Christ Alone (Galatians 3:27-28). My first encouragement to you is this- If you’ve been mistreated, bullied, or experienced a deep trauma that’s led to your own broken self esteem or identity...I am deeply sorry for what you’ve endured. As you step into the painful pools of your past, it is my prayer that you would re-walk those roads with Jesus in hand. May you receive comfort in knowing that even in the darkest of moments Jesus was there with you and His heart hurt when you felt those pains and even still His heart breaks at the impact of the lies within your life. His love for you was blazing even within the depths of that broken place. He longs to heal your crushed spirit and replace the lies with his beautiful truths. And to build your life and identity upon a foundation of His word! My second encouragement is this - If we’re in Christ we must be in tune with the spirit and seek the word of God in every area of our lives. His words must cover every inch of our hearts! It says in (2nd Corinthians 10:3-5) that we are commanded to take EVERY thought captive. We’re not in control of the lies that are fed to us, and I do not dismiss the crushing pain of those lies and the impact bullying creates within one’s life. But, we have the choice to either accept them as truth or take them to the word of God and challenge them and check if they fall in line with what He declares as truth! If you resonate with my experience in even the slightest of ways, I am so very sorry. We all experience our own heart breaks throughout life and that is when the enemy comes and tries to take a hold upon our lives. But know you’re not alone within your brokenness. In our weakness God strengthens us. He has not left us empty handed but gives us the armor of God! In (Ephesians 6:10-18) it gives clear instructions for how we can protect ourselves by the power of his word and spirit. What the enemy intends for evil, the Lord can take and and turn for our good (Genesis 50:20). So where does one go from here? Maybe this blog helped you loosen your grip on the lies that are flooding your life? If so, please be encouraged in knowing that you are not called to carry this burden alone. The Lord goes before us, and he longs to walk alongside us in our pains. He weeps with us and hurts for us. He longs to deliver peace and hope to you by His word. I am in the beginning process of surrendering the lies that have stained my life. I am now wiping them clean and replacing them with vibrant rays of God's truth and His love for me. I pray you will do the same. May we both reject the lies and take a step each day in saturating our minds with the word of God allowing him to heal our esteem and identity by his loving power. Thank you to all of those who have taken the time to read this blog. I pray it blesses and encourages you in your own journey. -Mikayla Kent.
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Hello everyone! I am back from my mission trip to Ecuador. And I can confidently say the Lord preformed a big work within my heart! The impacts of this trip are hard to put into words. But I will try my best to communicate all of the incredible ways the Lord moved throughout the week and within my heart. The first thing I want to share is the depths of my love for the Ecuadorian people. My eyes flood with tears as I try to string together a rightful description of these precious precious people but words fall short. I am eternally thankful for all the moments I shared with these beautiful people. On this trip I had the privilege of leading and working within the children’s ministry! Each day we set up a children’s area outside the medical clinics and our area was full of games and bubbles and yarn dolls and the warm loving faces of our team members and incredible translators. There were plenty of stations for the kids to rotate through and a few times a day we would have an evangelism portion. That was my favorite part. We would gather the kids in one place and demonstrate the gospel using the evangelism cube. Each time was a precious experience and I pray a seed was planted that the Lord will continue to pour his living water into day by day! Though the week was full of deep joy it was not perfect, It was my first time leading children’s ministry and it was absolutely a learning opportunity! I am so thankful for all that I was able to learn in this short time and excited for how I can use newfound information in the future. But most of all I am so thankful for the chance to share in tender moments with these beautiful people! Here are a few of my favorite moments.
I got to hold the hands of a kind mother and had the opportunity to paint her nails as she smiled at me brightly full of deep gratitude. Next, I got to share in a warm hug with the sweetest lady who had a heart full of joy as she was given a bible! I also got to hug and hold the hands of another precious lady who was thrilled when given a yarn doll. Each of these moments are stamped upon my heart and I will never forget them and what they taught me. The next thing I want to share is how the Lord worked within my heart. But let me first share where I was before the trip began. If I am being fully honest I had been sleep walking through life. I had fallen asleep to the chorus of my distracting culture and all its pleasures. But the Lord woke me up during our time in Ecuador and I am eager to step into line with Him. I was seeking the Lord before the trip began, but without surrender in certain areas of my life! The Lord used multiple incredible people throughout this trip to speak his truth and life into me. During the beginning of the trip I was able to share in a conversation with two precious people about my current reality and the root and strings tied to it. We were able to dive into my past and direct me back to Jesus and His truth. The power of that conversation cannot be put into words. And one day I hope to elaborate more. But for now, all I have to say is healing has come and will continue to pass. The second way the Lord woke me up was through the spiritual warfare I had been experiencing prior to the trip and during it. A few days before we left an indescribable spirit of heavy anxiety had come upon me and was telling me to drop the trip entirely full of whispered lies and doubts! and a few days into the trip that same anxiety came with intent to disrupt what the Lord had for me to do. The enemy tried to distract me and fill my heart with his twisted lies..but what the enemy meant for destruction the Lord used for my good!! During this time God shattered each and every anxious thought and enabled me to pray in ways I never have before! I prayed with complete confidence in who God is and with deep expectation! I was also able to share in the most beautiful prayer time with others on my team and it is a time I will never forget. The Lord also enabled me to rely on him and his word in ways I never had before! It was the most beautiful experience and I want to always seek him with that earnest heart and expectation!! Another way the Lord moved is through the confirmation that was delivered throughout the week regarding the calling God has placed upon my heart. Since a young age I believe the Lord gave me a heavy burden for missions. For years I have pursued that burden by joining these short term mission trips and waiting for more direction or guidance from him. This time around the Lord gave me guidance for my next steps. I believe the Lord has called me to missions, now in what capacity I am not yet sure. But I have decided to study Spanish at Anderson University for the time being as preparation for what is to come. And I am praying over possible opportunities in which I may be able to get more involved in the work that the Lord is completing in Ecuador! So keep me in your prayers as well. I hope this blog has painted a picture of how powerfully the Lord worked during our time in Ecuador!! This trip was transformative in so many ways and I am eager to surrender my life each and every day so that I may be filled with Jesus!! Thank you to all who prayed intently for our trip! Here is a prayer I have been praying since coming home. I hope it encourages you as well. “Lord, I want my heart to be ablaze for you! I want every crevice of my life to be lined with a holy fire that points to you! After years of falling into a quiet sleep directed by the lulls and hums of my culture..I am finally awake for you with a deep longing to know all of who you are! Lord, reveal more of yourself to me! Break down the walls of lies and rebuild my life upon a foundation of your truth. Mold me and shape me into your likeness so that I may reflect you and your heart in all ways. Help me to paint every corner of my life with rays of light that speak only of who you are and of your transforming power. Thank you Lord for your love, for your faithfulness, & for your power. Amen” Thank you for reading! God bless you!! -Mikayla Kent. “Promises””- Maverick City Music
“Though the storms may come And the winds may blow, I’ll remain steadfast And let my heart learn when you speak a word It will come to pass” “Great is your faithfulness to me Great is your faithfulness to me From the rising sun to the setting same I will praise your name.” “I put my faith in Jesus My anchor to the ground My hope and firm foundation He’ll never let me down” Hello, today I sat down to write with no clear direction of what I wanted to communicate. I simply was listening to “Promises” by Maverick City Music and was inspired by the truth and encouragement found within the lyrics and wanted to share what it brought to mind. As I have written in my past blogs, my life currently has been painful. Almost each day has been full of unanswered questions, loss, fear, and a deep stinging loneliness. And I have to admit, in these times it has been hard to remind myself of who God is. It is far too easy to slip into a state of utter hopelessness with a shattered lens of life; questioning the plans God has in store. But even in the heaviest of times, God’s faithfulness ceaselessly seeks me out. Here are some of the way’s God has been faithfully working within my life. This past week I was finally able to see a doctor and get important tests ordered! Another way He has been faithful is that after many years we were able to find the root of one of the problems I have been experiencing since 2020 and I now have an eye appointment scheduled to hopefully get to the root of that and seek big improvements! Even in the hardest of times, I can see God faithfully working in and through all these things. It is not by my own strength that I have been able to keep fighting and moving forward each and every day. It is also not by my own strength that I am able to have faith, hope, or joy in the midst of my circumstances. It is yet another example of God’s faithfulness as He works within my heart. By reading His word, and allowing His truths to pour over each and every area of my life I am able to have a foundation built within me that cannot be shaken! In the depths of my weaknesses, His power is revealed as He equips me and provides me with a strength, hope, and faith that propels me through the storm. The Lord has given me all that I need to take each step. His word is the fuel to building a firm faith. When we shift our heart’s to a position of praise; actively speaking His promises and truth over our lives we are able to re-shape the way we view our broken circumstances because we are reminded of the faithfulness of the one who holds us and such circumstances in His hands. One way that I have been able to remind myself of these things is through songs such as “Promises''. Worship through music has always been one of the ways I feel most connected to God. So each day, I sing and sing these lyrics about who God is, about His faithfulness, and His promises choosing to allow them to mold my perspective and lens. I am not saying that this is an easy thing to do, once again it is only through Christ’s power that this shift and hope can take place within our lives and within our sufferings. It is a daily process of surrender. Each dayI have to intentionally remind myself of God’s character and His promises to me. The violent screams of sufferings can shatter perspectives, lens, and all hope. I know that all too well. To those reading who may feel shattered as you walk through a fierce storm yourself, I hope you take a moment to fall and simply rest before God. It is my hope that you do not try to hide your brokenness, He is not scared of it. Rather He welcomes all your shattered pieces and He longs to make you whole by the power of His perfect love. May He lead your weary soul by streams of gentle waters and renew your spirit by the power of His word. Though the storms may come, and the winds may blow we can remain steadfast by anchoring ourselves in our faithful God. I pray that His truth would paint bright rays of rich hope and deep joy over your life so that you may have a lens full of hopefulness as you remember His faithfulness each and every day. Here is a prayer I said today..I fell before God asking Him to give me the strength and ability to trust Him through my present storm and those that may come in the future. “Lord, I come before you full of shattered pieces. My life does not look the way I would wish it to. I am weary and I am tired. And if I am being honest, many times I deeply doubt you and the plans you have for me. With my limited understanding it is hard for me to grasp why you have allowed these sufferings, but I am surrendering all of this to you. Lord, I want to be utterly and completely anchored in your truth. I know you have told us that storms are bound to come, and here I stand within the eye of one. In the midst of the winds that whirl around me I want to cling to your truth tightly and allow it to be a firm foundation that not even the fiercest of storms can touch. Lord, please help me to do so. Help me lean into your truth, trust in your character, and stand firm through each and every storm. Amen”. To those that have taken the time to read this, thank you. I pray that these words would encourage you within your own journey. God bless you. -Mikayla Kent Weep with me: This blog is called “weep with me”. Right now I am in a very painful time of life. Each day I am grieving my current reality that revolves around my chronic physical and mental conditions, and how those conditions impact so many areas of my life. Recently, I posted on social media about how I had to step away from a job I loved dearly in order to bring balance back to my health. It was such a hard hard choice to make and I am still battling its impacts. That final choice has resulted in a crushing storm of grief over my health and the unanswered questions and fears I have around it. I have really been wrestling with God during this time. I have fallen to my face completely heartbroken that all these many years later I am back to the same position of unknown with my health. I am back experiencing the same disruption in so many areas of my life. And I am back to the stinging loss of things I love and enjoy. As you can imagine this results in many tears and heavy prayers. One way that I am processing and leaning into this season is through prayers of lament. The definition of lament is “the passionate expression of grief or sorrow/weeping”. In the Bible there are so many examples of this. Even Jesus himself comes before God with lament. The process of lamenting enables us to dive deeper into developing our relationship with God- through honesty and transparency we are able to dig deeper into an authentic relationship. A quote from a blog on “DesiringGod” says this “Laments turn toward God when sorrow tempts you to run from him”. This process also helps us create a dependency upon God and teaches us to lean into the suffering and to trust Him within it. Each day I have found myself coming before God with a spirit full of lament. I have found myself expressing each and every sorrow of my soul. The Bible provides us many beautiful examples of this. Here are a few examples of it. Psalm 130:1 “Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; Lord hear my voice!” Psalm 6:3- “My soul is in deep anguish. How long Lord, how long?” These examples propelled me into breaking down my walls of hurt and anger! It pushed me to lean into my pain in order to discover more of God. What you read next are my most honest and vulnerable thoughts that I’ve battled with these last few days and have brought before God. But these thoughts do not stop in hopelessness. Rather it creates a space to then allow the word of God to reshape my lens, perspective, and suffering! “God, It hurts so much!” “I don’t understand why you’ve allowed so much pain into my life.” “I have prayed ceaselessly for healing, yet you have not delivered.” “Only new diagnoses have come my way, and I feel crushed to the bone.” “It feels as if every door open quickly comes to a close no matter how hard I try to pry it open it stays locked. “My soul sings songs only of a crushed spirit. Every ounce of my body cries in agony longing for these chains of illness to be broken from me.” “Depression claws it’s way into every crevasse of my life, swallowing up all hope! “How long God must this rain of despair pour upon every corner of my life.” But…it doesn’t end there. God faithfully steps into my suffering! And because of Him, His word, and His promises…my suffering and my perspective can be painted with the hope of Christ! Here is how His truth helps reshape my thoughts and suffering. You’re present within my pain and weep with me. Although you have not healed me physically, you’ve delivered a spiritual healing that provides enteral life. No physical healing of any kind can compare to the inner healing you’ve done within me. These new diagnoses do not define my life and I have a God who will work within and through them for His glory and His good! This pain does not go to waste. You’re the same when the door opens and when it closes. So thank you Lord for both sides, as you’re a never changing God who is faithfully good in all things. Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit”. Although I may never have the chains of chronic Illness broken on this side of heaven, I have a father who saves me from my despair and enables me to continuing walking the road he’s called me to. God provides peace and comfort within even the deepest sufferings such as depression. He has not forsaken me and goes before me. Thank you Lord for this rain for from it growth will take place. I may not know when it will stop, but I will praise you in it because you’re the same in the light as you are in the dark. I hope this blog encourages you to weep openly with God! May this encourage you to bring each and every piece of your brokenness before Him. I pray you know that He weeps with you! You’re not alone in your suffering and you have a God who invites you to authentically bring each and every fear, doubt, and pain before Him…He does not leave you stranded in that wilderness, He comes running to overflow your cup with His peace, comfort, truth, and hope! So that your once broken reality can be one that is painted with hope! 🤍 God bless you. -Mikayla Kent. The ocean has always been my favorite place to run away and find compete relaxation and rest. I deeply long for those precious moments where my feet dance through the warm sand and I fall into the rhythm of the crashing waves upon the shore. In these precious moments I’m fully at peace with utter contentment. Thankfully this past week I’ve had the blessing to spend a week in Florida at the beach with my grandparents and do just that. I’ve made many fun memories and spent many moments soaking in the beauty around me and I’m so grateful for it. I’ll be honest…this past year has been a difficult one! It has been a year that has tested and challenged my faith to its core. It’s been a year where walls upon walls of church hurt came crashing down upon me leading to a season of deconstruction within my faith. But even in my wandering and hopelessness, God has remained steady and faithful. Over the last few months I’ve felt a continuous tugging upon my heart, I’ve heard his still and merciful voice call me back to his perfect presence. I’ve felt him encourage me to fall into his warm embrace and to trust him fully for who he his…not for who people have failed to portray. One of the biggest blocks in my faith this past year has been my perfectionism, if I can’t do it perfectly I have no interest in doing it at all. This pattern in my life limits me in endless ways but most importantly it has limited my relationship and trust in Jesus. Truthfully…I’m scared to try new things or step into the roles God has placed before me due to my painful feelings of inadequacy and relentless insecurity. It’s my deepest desire to be good enough, I want to please people and for them to love me. But seeing as I’m human I continually fail day to day. Through this week of resting I believe God has been teaching me that he hasn’t called me to a life of perfection like I’ve so foolishly believed before, nor has he called me to “be good enough” rather he continually calls me to walk faithfully and to trust and allow him to fill in the empty spaces with his sufficient grace. The ocean always draws out a new perspective within me. The power and the vastness of it reminds me of God and his incomparable power and love for me. I’m so thankful for moments like this that whispers reminders of who God is and his faithfulness to me. Lastly, I’m so thankful for the door he’s opened with my new job as an after school counselor! I begin next week and I pray God would break down the layers of insecurity and build in my heart a spirit of confidence and humility. I know he’s opened this door so he will be faithful to fill in my empty spaces with his sufficient grace.
Hello friends, it’s been about eight months since i’ve officially posted a blog. The Lord has been continually working in me, revealing new layers of his truth, grace, and character. Daily He has been challenging and convicting me of ways I need to grow in. For the past few weeks I've been obsessed with a song called “Captivate us” by Watermark. The lyrics are so beautiful, “Captivate us” is a plea to the Lord to captivate our hearts with his glory and truth, asking him to consume our hearts, to devastate us with his presence so that he can be the focus on our minds, and the greatest treasure of our hearts. It is asking him to remove chains, break down walls, and remove whatever is hindering us from experiencing the fullness of his presence, might, and power. It truly brings me to tears each time I listen to it. As I sit and listen to this song, I begin to think of the current state of our world.
We’re currently living in a very dark time. Anyone who turns on the news, scrolls on social media, or calls a friend, is aware that it is a heartbreaking, overwhelming, scary, and uncertain time. This covid-19 pandemic has affected each of us to some degree, some have lost jobs, some are struggling to place food on the table, others are balancing work at home while also being a single parent. All over the world thousands upon thousands are dying due to the virus. The whole world is in a state of complete chaos. Our social media posts are full of heated arguments about whether our governments are making the right decisions, our news is painted with images of overflowing hospitals, death rates, and worrisome predictions for the coming months. I’m sure this has taken a toll on each of your hearts in some way. I believe the Lord has laid a pressing question on my heart which I want to share with all of you, “Mikayla, what are you looking to? And what is captivating your heart during this time?” That may be a strange question to ask, allow me to further explain my heart and what I believe the Lord is teaching me. I fear that during this pandemic, many of us are being captivated by fear and hopelessness. We’re paralyzed by the state of our world, politics, and so much more. In times of emotional distress it is easy to be lost and consumed in a flame of hopelessness and frustration. I believe that the Lord is gently reminding me through this song, to lean into his truth, to seek his presence, to abide, and fellowship with him in the midst of this time. During this time, we can either distance ourselves from the Lord, or lean into his presence through our brokenness, our frustration, our lament, and uncertainty. We can either fill our hearts with endless fear, or come and find rest under his wing. The enemy will use this time of chaos and distraction to his advantage, he will want to twist our emotions and brokenness and tempt us to distance ourselves from Christ. I’m not saying you shouldn’t acknowledge the state of our world, I'm saying as we look around us and take in the brokenness to filter that through a Christ- like lense, as to keep us near to him rather than allow our fears and frustrations to push us away from his loving embrace. I want him to consume my thoughts, I want to be captivated by his presence, renewed by his truth. I’m praying that this would not be a season of distance in my walk with Christ, but a season where the Lord can expand the horizons of my faith and trust in him as we are daily anchored in him. May his presence move us towards fervent prayer, empathy, compassion, and understanding. May we be drawn nearer to him, as we realize that He is truly all we have. May we be captivated by his presence and treasure him in a new and deeper way. The state of our world reveals to us the frailty of this life, and how our hope must be in Christ, rather than our daily routines, our expected comforts, or life itself. He must be the utter treasure and captivation of our hearts. I urge each of you to dive into new depths of your faith, trust, and reliance in Jesus. Do not just fill your soul with social media, and news, go and seek his presence. Fall into his loving embrace, and allow him to help you work through these new emotions and struggles in a way that will glorify him and reflect his heart. I’m saying to bring those fears, losses, and heartache to the cross and work through and communicate with your loving Father. Allow him to shape your perceptions and responses. I pray that all who read the entirety of this blog would be encouraged, uplifted, and challenged to expand the horizons of their faith and be captivated by our sweet Jesus in the midst of this heartbreaking storm. I would love to be praying for you all during this time, please feel free to comment your prayer requests, or email me at @[email protected]. Below I will link the song mentioned in today’s blog, and some verses to encourage you during this time. Captivate Us - Watermark: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWXWgbMDedY //// Scripture //// Psalm 13:5–6 “But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me”. Psalm 46:1-3 “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth gives way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.” Psalm 9:9-10 “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” Isaiah 26: 3-4 “Those of steadfast mind you keep in peace—because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for in the Lord God you have an everlasting rock.” Exodus 33:14 “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Psalm 91:1-2 “You who live in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of the Almighty, will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress; my God in whom I trust.” God bless you all, With love, Mikayla Kent. Hello all, a topic that is heavy upon my heart is something I’ve struggled with for years. I have walked through painful health struggles that left me disconnected from life. Lonliness is a universal struggle, each of us long to feel like we belong at some point, we long to feel included and invited, naturally most of us long for community. The last few years of my life I have experienced a new depth to loneliness by walking through health issues that few resonate with. It has limited my social activity due to extreme fatigue preventing me from going anywhere, and my emotional state went through many highs and lows. Still to this day I struggle with loneliness, everyone in my house has their daily repsonsbilities that they venture to throughout the day while I’ve stayed in one place watching them come and go. This has been a consistent theme in my life as I watch my family enter in and out of new seasons of life. It created an impatience within my heart as I longed for the day where I would leave my bedroom and enter into something new and exciting. Thankfully we have a faithful God who meets us right where we are at. Though the last few years of my life have been the loneliest, at the same time it has also been the sweetest because I have encountered God in a way I never had before. When the comforts in your life slowly drift away from your grasp, there is little to cling to. My friend’s lives continued even though my life was limited to my room, social activity was for the most part non-existent. For example, I was so sick for a year that I had to repeat the 9th grade. It was just me and God, and either I had to be mad at him for the cirucmstances he allowed, or I could wrestle with him and move forward. I’m so thankful that he softened my heart towards him. I wrestled with him, prayed, hurt, cried and as I did his truth transformed my thoughts, and the way I viewed my circumstances. I now view this loneliness as an opporurtunity to be more intentional with my relationship with God. Slowly as the lulling hum of comforts and pleasures was taken away, I began to experience the treasure of Christ in the most beautiful way. When I say I began to experince the treasure of Christ in a new way, I mean that for the first time I longed to spend time in the word. I tasted and saw that the things of this world fail to come close to compare to the beauty of God and the power of his word. I’m sure some of you reading have your own struggle with loneliness, maybe you’re working a very difficult job with insane work hours so you cannot spend much time with family and friends. Maybe you’re struggling to find your place within your community, maybe you’re battling depression and though you’re surrounded by many people you still feel alone, maybe you are also sick and isoclated as I have been. Wherever you may be, he is with you. I challenege you to view your loneliness as an opportunity to renew your relationship with God. Here are a few verses that continued to uplift my weary spirit in moments where the loneliness was crushing. My prayer is that it would also meet you right where you are.
Psalms 34:18 “He is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit”. Next, Matthew 11:28 “Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest” Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God, I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”. Each of these verses reminded me that though I feel alone, and though this season of life brings me to a place of islocation that our God is near to the broken hearted. He saves the crushed in spirit, he desires for us to bring our loneliness to him, he longs to give rest to his children, he tells us to not worry nor dismay but to find our confidence in a God who never fails. Though the seasons of loneliness have been immensely difficult, I am so thankful to have a God who desires to give me rest. Friends, I know as people we long to see the finished product. We desire to have some fragment of understanding about why we are here, for me my continued question has been why after so many years has this season not come to an end? It is okay to have those questions, bring that to him and wrestle, he will meet you exactly where you are at and bring a peace that surpasses all understanding. Yes, it will still be hard, I promise you that, but even then, there is hope in the midst of that loneliness because our God is present with us through that hardship. I urge you to seek his face in the midst of your own loneliness, but I warn you his word does not bring back void, it transforms, it encourages, it brings hope and restores. I am living proof, he has transformed my heart, renewed my sprirt, even in my current season of loneliness, my joy has not dimmed but overflowed because the king of kings, the lord of lords, faithfully delivers a peace and comfort that is unexplainable. My prayer is that you would run to God and lay your worries before him and find rest, admit that you can’t do this all on your own, and surrender and allow him to provide you peace in the middle of your storm. Thank you for reading, all glory to God. -Mikayla Kent P.S a I attached a link to a song that has encouraged me during times of loneliness. ~ “Hold on” by 33 miles https://youtu.be/WNwS4cGc2Wk “Break my heart for what breaks yours”
Hello all, it’s been quite some time since I’ve posted a blog. In all honesty the beginning months of this new year have been a whirlwind, in recent weeks I’ve been learning and discovering by God's grace that some areas of my life need much repair, and attention. In all honesty, I haven’t posted because I didn’t believe that my words were aligning with my actions, therefore I didn’t feel peace about sharing more blogs. If I’m being even more transparent, I would confess that In recent months, I have neglected spending time with God in prayer and studying the Bible. I have not been intentional because I had been swept away in a storm of self-pity and discontentment, regarding my current circumstances. The result of that neglect, had led to a gradual numbness in my heart regarding my own sin, the corruption of this world and my desperation for Jesus. I lost sight of my God given purpose as a follower of Christ which is to find my pleasure in Him and the things that bring Him pleasure. Slowly as I reflect back on these past few months, I see that my gaze had been shifted to self-seeking rather than seeking Christ. I grew angry because I was not able to partake in everyday pleasures. I felt that life had left me behind and that God had no intention with my disease and the burdens it places upon me. In that misplaced frustration, I had no intention of opening my Bible. I painted a picture of God, laced with my expectations and desires and when he did not mirror my manufactured image, I was unsatisfied due to my proud entitlement of the things I desired. I began to see behaviors within myself that did not glorify God and simply lacked love. That was my first realization that something needed to change. Slowly, God has been unveiling the depth of my need for him, he has been lowering the walls of pride and gracefully rebuilding those walls upon a foundation of truth. One night, I prayed that God would revive my heart and break my heart for what breaks His. He did just that, as I began reading His word. He began to shift my gaze and He created a heartache concerning not only the sin and the corruption of this world but the stirring corruption within my own heart. I believe that when our eyes are focused on Christ, we are not so easily swayed by the noisy culture of “me, me, me” but when we are tender and conscious of the depth of sin we are more eager to walk on a path that glorifies God and pushes forward his kingdom cause. When I am standing upon a foundation of truth and begin to grasp fragments of how immensely I need Jesus, it encourages me to run swiftly to Jesus.I needed that wake up call. I needed God's truth to fracture and tear away my pride and entitlement and remind me of the depth of my sin and why I am here.By God’s mercy I am here and able to share this personal testimony with each of you today. 1st Peter 2:9 is a clear picture of the “kingdoms cause” and what my focus should be planted on daily. 1 Peter 2:9 - “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light..” I want to encourage you to take a step back and ask yourself what picture of God you're painting? Is it infiltrated with expectations and desires of your own or wrapped in beautiful colors of truth and love. I also want to challenge you to pray and ask God to break your heart for what breaks His heart. Maybe you have a dull numbness in the same way I did that needs to be addressed. I am so thankful that God has began tearing down walls of pride and entitlement within my heart, and I pray that he will do the same for anyone reading who may resonate with the words shared today. Thank you for reading. God bless you, Mikayla Kent. P.S... I inserted some scripture and a song. (: HillsongWorship-Hosanna: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnMevXQutyE Scripture: Psalm 119:18 “Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law.” Ephesians 1:18 “Having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints,”. 2nd Corinthians 1:18: “As we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” Hosanna - Hillsong Worship Hosanna - Hillsong Worship What is your soul hungry for?
Hello all, I have been hesitant to share what God is teaching me because of shame, but there is no shame in the name of Jesus. There is freedom at the cross, there is forgiveness and growth when we become aware of our sin and confess that to God and move forward, and that’s what I’m doing. I’m moving forward. In each of us, I believe we have a crevasse of longings and hunger’s in our hearts that we must give up to God and allow him to meet us there to fill that empty space. For me, that longing and that unsatisfiable hunger was placed in two things. The first hunger being food, when I got diagnosed with a disease my life felt broken and shattered. Even before the disease came into my life, my teenage experience looked different, to begin with, due to all the difficulties of a jaw misalignment. It felt as though this disease left a permanent stamp on my new day to day life filling me with impenetrable hopelessness. It disrupted my social life even more than beforehand, the things I was able to do or longed to do were mostly stolen from me except on some rare occasions. “Unreliable” painted my goals and pre-mediated plans because my time now had to be altered for rest. And that was so difficult, and still is so difficult. Instead of running to God to fulfill me with joy, peace, and comfort. I ran to food, it tastes good and it did the trick of distracting or numbing the reality of this painful new normal. I would secretly slip away to feed a deep painful hunger within my heart.. From the outside, it may seem harmless, but I created an addiction, a dependence on food that built up barriers between my relationship with God. I also mentioned people. I run to people to fulfill me, I run to them for the comforting and the patching of my soul, I run to them for security. And each time I ran to these dependencies faster and faster with an exhausted unsatisfied, unmet soul. Each time I left empty or left feeling worse. In all honesty, it felt easier to run away from the aches of my heart than to face them head on and pray about it and work through it. I slowly became comfortable in these dependencies. Thankfully God has been revealing to me the depth of my longings and emptiness and the root causes of my longings. He is creating an unsteadiness in me as he continues to unveil the reality of my wanderings. He is slowly awakening my focus on him. He is reminding me that I need to run to him and him alone to fulfill the broken cavities of my heart. I am learning that God needs to be my all in all. I am learning that my hunger needs to be for him, and not in unsatisfiable dependencies that I molded out of a place of pain and darkness, I am just now awakened and starting to recognizing this in my life by his grace. That isn’t the end of the story though, I didn’t wake up one morning and leave these dependencies behind. Quite the contrary actually, even as I started to become aware of these truths, I also began to feel shame and guilt. I felt shameful that I continued to feed these pangs of hunger and the longings of my soul. I felt shameful that I was so comfortable clinging to them. And I had no intention of letting go of control so quickly. When I invited shame and guilt into the picture and tossed Gods truth to the side that’s when I dug a deeper line between me and God. God reminded me that I am not a slave to these hunger’s, he reminded me that guilt and shame are left behind at the cross and that I can walk into his glorious freedom laced with love and truth. I don’t need to continue living as a slave to these hunger’s and longings of my soul. The victory is already won! when I ask for help and for deliverance, my God comes running fiercely towards my direction with a helping hand of guidance. Freedom is found at the foot of the cross when I choose to lay down my hunger’s and seek the kingdom first. As I begin to seek him and his truth and allow his words to invade those cavities, my soul will begin to experience the fullness and the sweetness of Christ. This is difficult, I created a habit, a dependence, an addiction. I allowed the aches of my soul to nurse themselves upon unsatisfiable hungers and longings, which in the end has left me unmeasurably empty. Thankfully God isn’t finished with you or me yet. Friend...let go of any guilt or shame you have surrounding your personal longings and hunger’s, and walk into freedom. Maybe you don’t struggle with nursing the aches of your soul with food or people, but possibly you tend to them with another culprit. Be honest with yourself, once honesty enters than you can begin to walk forward with a renewed gaze upon Christ and his truths that reign over your life. If you read this blog in its entirety thank you, it is not easy sharing the ugliness of my heart, nor is it always easy to give up the hungers of your soul. But it is necessary that God is first in your life, it is necessary that he is your all in all, and it is vital that he is the one who sits upon the throne of your heart. Below I shared some scriptures that speak the truth of this topic, join me in letting God be our all in all. God bless you, Mikayla Kent P.S there is a song below for some extra encouragement. & don't forget about the verses!! (: Scandal of Grace- Hillsong~ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LASyD0ASRfI Scripture ❤️ Galatians 5:1 “ It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Romans 8:1-4 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” Psalm 63:1 “ You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.” Ephesians 1:7 “In him, we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace”. Hello all, in my past few blogs I’ve shared with you the “what if’s & “why’s” that have plagued my life. There are seasons of life where questions and doubt are the only form of communication that we share with God, yet their are also sweet seasons of time where we finally see the connection between those plaguing “why’s” and Gods plan.
I am going to be honest, this past school semester I was so terrified walking into a new school due to the current situation of my unreliable disease. From my obstructed view I saw a body and a mind that was unable to function and complete all the lofty expectations that the school system has for an average student. And throughout this semester I have asked so many questions with an underlying tone of impatient anger that was present behind the words I would whisper out to God in moments of doubt. Some of these frustrating remarks are - “why would you put me in this school if I am just going to fail” — “why do you have me here” and most of all “why did I have to be held back so many semesters, which now leads me down a life path that is so much slower than the rest of my friends.” Each of those questions have been thrown God's way. I believe that in those moments I was depending on my own limited sight. I was basing my frustrations off of the small piece of understanding that I had a tight grasp on. And In those moments where I would get frustrated and impatient with God, his peaceful and assuring voice would bring me back to a stillness in him. God continually would remind me of his truths in my life. He reminded me that his timing is far more perfect than mine. He also reminded me that his plans for my life are far better than I could imagine for myself. Lastly, He reminded me of his faithfulness time and time again, even in the presence of hundreds of questions. God doesn’t expect you or me to have it all together nor does he expect us to have all the answers regarding his plan for our lives or even simply the plans of a school semester. He asks you and me to be still, and to be patient in his perfect timing; knowing that He is who he says He is meaning that the plans for our life are perfect and good. God doesn’t want me to depend on and find security in my flighty emotions or my slim fragment of understanding, he wants me to fully rely on him, to fully rely on my faith in who He is and to walk into the unknown with my handful of questions, even when I don’t understand. This semester God has shown himself faithful once again, even through the midst of unreliable health he gave me the strength and the resources I needed to do what he had called me to. He called me to this new school, and He met me with his faithfulness and I just completed my first semester! I am so so thrilled. It was not an easy semester, it stretched me and exhausted me but God met me with his strength, his peace and his sweet faithfulness. Friends do not be discouraged if you are in the moment of boundless questions and confusion, I was there just weeks ago. There is nothing shameful about not understanding, but surrender that hungry desire to understand. We simply cannot comprehend all that God has for us. He calls us to be still, and wait patiently. Honestly “waiting” and “being still” is a lot harder to do than it seems. I understand! I am not sharing this testimony to lift myself up and display a disposition of “having it all together & “having all the answers” quite the contrary actually, I had no fragment of an idea of how God would work this semester, I am right there with you. Don’t let your view hindered by flighty emotions limit God, and do not let your understanding of your own mere human strength limit the work that God can complete through you! All glory goes to God, it is he who enabled me to complete this first semester and it is also him who taught me and walked me through his faithfulness in order for me to come to this understanding! My friend just be faithful to where he has called to you right now, be obedient by taking every little step that contains plenty of unknowns and surrender that eagerness to understand the reason behind this path and walk with him, having complete assurance and confidence in the character of your God alone. If you read this blog in its entirety, thank you. I hope that this testimony encouraged you and reminded you that God is faithful, he is aware of every step of faith you are taking right now. I hope that you can also join me in surrendering that craving of understanding the complexity of God’s plans and run into the waves of unknown with confidence in God's character. Once again all glory to God! God bless you, 💗 Mikayla Kent Below are some verses that remind me of God's faithfulness to me and his plan for my. Also I am adding a link to a song that has been very encouraging to me recently. (: Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your way acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Psalm 119:105 “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” Lnk to the song- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5oLZeSnf3c |
AuthorI'm just a 17 year old girl, who has a passion for Jesus and longs to encourage and connect with other people through the shifting seasons of life, and the lessons learned through them. Archives
July 2023
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