Hello all,
I decided it was time for me to sit down and write a blog. This week my family and I are down in South Carolina, seeing family and just soaking in some relaxation. My Grandma Kay and Grandpa Brad live just a short drive away from the beach, so we have been spending some time by the ocean. I walk out, look up at the beautiful blue sky, I listen to the song of the crashing waves that so gracefully sweep over every fear and worry dragging them back out into the deep blue, leaving me light and free. I continue to walk up and down the shore reflecting and thinking, just soaking in the beauty and the sunshine. I’ve been replaying the seasons I have walked through since first being diagnosed with connective tissue disease. I would say the first wave that hit me was shock. I was not quite prepared for the toll it would have upon my body. I’ve had physical challenges before such as my jaw misalignment and no doubt that has been a day to day burdening pain. But I was not prepared for my new “normal”. The second wave I would say is grief. I felt like I’ve been tossed out to sea, continually being overcome by each monstrous wave, waves of chronic fatigue and pain, to the powerful waves of depression and loneliness and crippling isolation. I walked through that season of grief for quite some time and I came face to face with my new limitations and new realities. I’ve had my schooling set back because of my obvious health issue, meaning I will be repeating the 9th grade. I’ve had to carry around new burdens with each day to day task. All of those things have been hard adjustments. But the most recent wave is the wave of acceptance. I’ve gone through shock; I’ve grieved and grieved hard. But now the loud roar of the oceans is coming to a hush, I can see the glorious blue peak through the gloomy painted skies, and feel the sun kiss my cheek once more. My Savior lifts me out of the waters and breathes life back into me once again. My circumstances are tough but God has provided me strength, even when my praise came out only in soft whispers, my body lifeless, my prayers stale; he still swept me up into his loving arms and delivered to me his overwhelming peace and love. He would engrave into my heart his words, from Isaiah 43:2- “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze” Another verse that has encouraged me is Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” What I get from those two verses is that every trial that we come head to head with, He has allowed to pass through His throne first, and He says He does all things for our good and for His glory so He will take care of us and provide us with what we need. Also, I can have peace knowing He has a plan, even if this isn’t at all what I would envision or plan for myself. He has already written my story from beginning to end, and He will bring it to completion. Yes, He will let me bend, but He won’t let me break. And as He has so faithfully in the past, He will continue to use every tear and every pain for His glory. I am thankful that through these pains He has revealed more of himself to me, more of His character. My relationship with Him has not weakened, but grown and matured and strengthened, though the storms knocked me off my feet and spun me around, He has remained the same His love never fails. Let me share how I’ve gotten to this point of acceptance. But know that it’s none of my own doing, He in His loving mercy has carried me to this place. I prayed earnestly for Him to help for me to trust Him and His plans. To trust that He is who He says He is, that His promises are true. I also had to and still continue to daily surrender my desire for healing, which in no way is easy at all. Understanding that healing doesn’t always come, and that doesn’t mean I’m forgotten, or lacking in faith. It just means He has other marvelous plans. I just have to be still, and wait. And when I see the mountain before me I do not need to fear nor despair because the one who stands beside me is He who makes the mountains bow in reverence. For anyone else struggling, whether it is chronic illness, or any other pain or loss in life, there aresome things that have been an extra push for me, such as playing some passages from Psalm aloud every night, particularly ones that focus on suffering. I will listen to worship music and sermons also focused on the particular relating issue. Prayer, prayer is powerful. And when I say pray I mean real genuine, messy prayer. Open your heart to Him, cry out to Him, tell Him of your pains and fears; ask for strength and for peace. He wants you to talk with Him and open your heart to Him. He can take it. Just fall into His loving embrace, let Him cradle you as you pour out your soul. Lastly, read books that focus on the particular subject you are struggling in. For me it was a book “The scars that have shaped me” by Vaneetha Risner. Just take it wave by wave, each season will pass. I promise the sun will kiss your cheek once again. I pray that all who read this blog will be encouraged greatly. - Mikayla A. Kent
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AuthorI'm just a 17 year old girl, who has a passion for Jesus and longs to encourage and connect with other people through the shifting seasons of life, and the lessons learned through them. Archives
July 2023
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