Suicide prevention week was about two weeks ago. This topic is something that is very near and dear to my heart. This isn't easy for me to share but here it goes! Those that know me yet don't know my story might say "Mikayla you have a beautiful life and a tight knit family and you are blessed beyond compare, why would you be unhappy?" Yes I am incredibly blessed, yes I have a lovely family. But I became depressed and suicidal from an incredible amount of bullying that I faced. It was so difficult, as a young girl experiencing so much hate from so many people my heart was just hurting and heavy. I got bullied by people in my neighborhood, and I got bullied by people from who barely knew me. It was absolutely terrible to hear nasty words about yourself come from the mouths of people who barely know you. Other would offer advice saying "Mikayla just don't listen to them" But how can you not? You hear those words come forth continually for months after months and they start to sink in. Slowly you end up dwelling on them day by day. I ended up believing those lies myself, I started to hate my image, my personality, just everything about who I waa. Later on I ended up seeing no purpose to my existence, if I'm being completely honest I didn't understand how a God of great love and mercy would let such a young girl go through such an immense amount of pain. The depression and suicidal thoughts became so overwhelming. Hating your existence is incredible heavy burden to carry. Words do hurt, and they can have the biggest impact on someone’s day. I was reading my bible one day searching for contentment and peace. I so desperately wanted to feel something and I did, God helped me realize that with him I can overcome the shackles of depression and experience joyous freedom. Once you give up your burdens, to God there is a relief, God wants to carry those burdens. He wants to be your go to when you feel worthless. He wants to put those broken pieces back together and mend your torn heart. And he can, it isn't an easy road. I still have my bad days I still struggle with insecurities and at times dwell on the words of past bullies. But you can find purpose and contentment and true self love at the cross. So many people wake up every day facing a storm, struggling through everyday without having God to help carry the heavy weight of sorrows. I am able to thank God now for putting me through all that pain. Because of those bullies I am now able to have the strongest compassion for hurting souls and I wish to help them. Every day should be suicide prevention day, pray for the broken hearts, every day they experience their own battle, help contribute to ending that war inside their soul. Let's make everyday a goal to spread love and pray for broken hearts. God allows us to go through heavy trials but he doesn't leave us alone. He is there to fight the battle for you. He uses the most raw and broken places in your life and uses it for his glory. You may be dealing with depression and wondering will the tears ever pay off? I wondered that many times. And let me tell you every tear I shed has paid off. If you ever need a friend or advice just send me a direct message on Instagram. If you want my Instagram comment, and simply ask and I will give it to you. I pray this touches the heart of a broken soul. Life isn't easy it's a heck of a ride but it's worth it. Lastly find someone to talk to, don't wait like me and let it get to a terrible point where death seems more pleasing then life. My darling your heart beats for a reason, every breath you take is precious. Life is a beautiful gift, take control of that pain and turn it into something beautiful. Help someone else change their story and continue. ❤️;
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AuthorI'm just a 17 year old girl, who has a passion for Jesus and longs to encourage and connect with other people through the shifting seasons of life, and the lessons learned through them. Archives
July 2023
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